


Heaven Above

by ravensarek



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clintasha - Freeform, M/M, Starbucks, Stucky - Freeform, The Winter Soldier - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-02-08 22:23:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1958337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravensarek/pseuds/ravensarek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>college punk!bucky and hipster!steve au in which steve and bucky get very drunk and things happen that bucky regrets while steve is trying (and failing) to not be too distracted by bucky. Bucky ends up bringing Steve on a road trip/concert date to make it up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It’s a familiar scene for Steve; he’s standing (or more likely lying) in some alley with blood dripping down his nose and his tiny, useless fists up.  A big guy is coming in to knock him down again, over and over.  And then Bucky comes to rescue him, get back at the bully, and clean up.  This time, it’s because the bully had been harassing a couple of women and Steve had told him to back off.  It happened a lot; guys picking on women, and Steve hated it and got beat up because he couldn’t let it go, but this time was worse.  For whatever reason, the guy hadn’t been able to stop until Steve couldn’t get up again.  And Steve always had to get up.  Fortunately, Bucky was close by to take care of everything.

His punches were thrown sloppily and Steve could smell the stench of vodka on his friend’s breathe. Sometimes Steve secretly worried when Bucky was drunk, but at the moment Steve’s vision was blurry with blood and he was too relieved to care.  Bucky turned Steve’s chin up, touching the injured places lightly, a pained look in his eyes.  Steve looked quizzically up at his friend.  Bucky usually wasn’t so... tender, but it was probably just drunkenness.  Still, it made Steve feel a little tingle, the same one he felt every time Bucky touched him. 

 

 The pair ended up half-limping back to Bucky’s apartment, each supporting the other, and both collapsing onto the bed when they returned.  Steve went into the bathroom to clean himself up while Bucky lay there stupidly.

When Steve returned, a bandage across his face, Bucky had out his remaining vodka from the party he’d been at.  

“Stoli,” he observed, sitting down on the bed next to Bucky and smirking, “classy.”

Bucky laughed and set the bottle down, moving closer to Steve. “Tastes good,” he slurred.

Steve raised an eyebrow.  As far as he knew, straight vodka like that was disgusting, and he knew Bucky had stollen it; a good bottle of stolichnaya was a little expensive for them and besides, Bucky didn’t have a good fake I.D.

Steve didn’t know what compelled him to ask for a drink, but Bucky handed the bottle over right away.  Steve took a sip, slowly, and nearly choked.  Bucky roared with laughter while his friend tried to spit out the taste. 

“Put some.. lemonade,” Bucky suggested.  Steve did so, and tried again.  It still burned his throat a little, but he managed to drink much more.  

It was not the first time Steve is drunk, but it was the most drunk he’d ever been. At the moment, he only felt a pleasant buzz, but Bucky told him that was definitely not drunk yet.  It only took a few shots for Steve, and Bucky laughed and told him how lame he was and how he wasn’t even drunk.  Steve felt pretty drunk, drunk enough at least that he found himself sitting pretty much on top of Bucky with both of them giggling.  Steve didn’t remember much of anything else in the morning, except that Bucky had told him to stay the night since he was so drunk; and when he woke up Steve was stripped down to his underwear and both of them had to take cold showers.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry the paragraph indents got messed up it's annoying sorry

Steve suspects Bucky remembers more than him, but neither of them discuss it. Steve has to admit though, he has thought a lot, and for a long time, about doing... things with Bucky. He wonders if Bucky had too, and then realizes that’s stupid and he’s just some tiny nerd with no sex appeal, as far as he can tell. They’ve barely started college and Steve’s kissed about five people in his entire life, probably fewer, actually. He doesn’t mind so much; he’s often busy drawing, usually Bucky. Steve loves to capture the way Bucky licks his lips and toys with the lip ring, Bucky’s callused hands and arms spotted with tattoos, his bright eyes that always shine when he looks at Steve.  
But right now, that’s beside the point, because Steve can’t remember anything and it feels like his head is about to burst. He’s missing class right now cause he can’t stop throwing up, and Bucky is there too, helping and looking a little sick himself.  
“I shouldn’t have let you drink that much,” Bucky says when Steve is back from tossing up whatever food was left in his stomach. Bucky is splayed across the couch, and Steve has been sleeping it off in the bed, where he is headed right now.  
“It’s fine,” he replies, “I wanted to and you couldn’t think right anyways.”  
“Yeah, but I should’ve known when too much was too much.”  
“Like I said, you were drunk too. It’s not your fault.”  
Bucky sighs and shakes his head, massaging his temples while Steve flops onto the bed. He wants to ask Bucky what happened last night, but is too scared, so he says nothing. After all, if nothing had happened, Steve wouldn’t want Bucky to think he was... interested.  
Steve falls asleep, finally, and dreams about Bucky fucking him. When he wakes up, he is relieved to see that Bucky is asleep. Steve reaches down the front of his own pants and wraps a hand around his dick, biting the other hand to keep from moaning too loudly. The last thing he needs is for Bucky to wake up. Steve lies there, breathing a little wheezy. He gets up to clean himself, and that’s when he realizes Bucky wasn’t actually asleep.  
Bucky turns over to face Steve. “You’re becoming less like the innocent little Steve Rogers I know every day,” he jokes. Even with rosy cheeks from being hungover, you can see Steve’s face turn bright red. He mumbles something about going to the bathroom and rushes out, Bucky laughing behind him. When he returns, Bucky is grinning, and Steve is still blushing. He won’t meet Bucky in the eye.  
“Hey, it’s okay,” Bucky tells him, looking Steve up and down, “nothing to be embarrassed about. All guys do it.” Steve Rogers doesn’t do it, Steve thinks, and especially not about his best friend. Imagine if Bucky knew that Steve had been thinking about him; God, Steve doesn’t want to think about that.  
“You know maybe we should go to class,” Steve finally says to break the awkward moment. Bucky rolls his eyes.  
“You tryin’ to make up for your bad boy past?” he teases. Steve blushes again.  
“I don’t want to miss art,” he replies.  
“You sure?” Bucky’s voice turns serious, “you don’t seem to be doin’ that well right now.”  
“Yeah,” Steve says simply, “it’s just art, I can handle that.” Bucky shrugs but doesn’t argue and instead starts getting dressed. Steve follows, looking around for his clothes. He finds a pair of skinny jeans that he doesn’t remember having worn the night before but are way too small for Bucky.  
“Have you seen my shirt?” he calls to Bucky, a little embarrassed.  
“No, sorry,” Bucky replies, “here, just borrow one of mine.” He throws Steve a Joy Division shirt which hangs down almost to Steve’s knees and probably looks pretty silly, although Bucky grins and says he looks good more punk than indie. Steve rolls his eyes; Bucky teases him all the time for being so hipster-like with his art school and oversized pale sweaters over tight jeans and boots. Steve also teases Bucky about his leather jackets and old army boots and all the piercings and dark colors, although he secretly finds it amazingly attractive.

They get to school halfway through the day and in the middle of a break, which they are both thankful for. As they walk, Natasha, a mutual friend, passes by and stops them.  
“Where were you guys this morning?” she asks.  
“Skipping, what’d you think?” Bucky replies, “Steve here got pretty drunk last night and we needed to sleep it off, you know?”  
Natasha laughs and says, “I have to go now, gonna meet Clint, you boys have fun.” She winks as she walks by, and then does something Steve can’t quite figure out.  
“Good job, Rogers,” she grins, “guess you finally got it.”  
Steve chokes a little and turns around to ask her what she meant, but she’s already gone.  
“You okay?” Bucky asks, patting his friend on the back.  
“Yeah, fine,” Steve says, removing Bucky’s hand before he gets distracted. Does Natasha think they had sex? Steve blushes. He’s blushing a lot lately, it seems.  
“Yes, she does, if you were wondering,” Bucky seems to read his mind. Steve blushes further, looking at the ground.  
“What?” he asks, pretending (very badly) to not know what Bucky means.  
“Yes, of course she thinks we were fucking, and I know you knew that.”  
“Yes. Um. Well-“  
“She thinks we were fucking all night and then woke up and spent all morning doing it to,” Bucky cuts him off, grinning, enjoying how uncomfortable Steve is with it all.  
“Yes. Um, why?” Steve asks quietly.  
“Seriously, Steve? We come in here together late, looking tired and messy, you’re wearing my shirt, and you fucking slept over at my apartment while we were drunk.”  
“Great,” Steve mutters, “now everyone is going to think we had sex.”  
“What, is that a bad thing?” Bucky jokes. Steve shoves him and turns away to keep Bucky from seeing his face, as though somehow that will give it all away. By this time, they’re nearing one of the alcoves near an empty classroom, and Bucky stops and turns and looks suddenly more serious and concerns when he sees how Steve.  
“Hey,” he says, cupping Steve’s chin in his hands and lifting it up, “you okay?”  
Steve gets lost for a moment, his eyes wide as he looks at Bucky. He can see his own reflection in his friend’s eyes. His reflection looks pretty stupid, which makes him snap back to life and stop thinking about how his face is so close to Bucky’s and how easy it would be to-  
Okay, so maybe he isn’t snapped out of it, but he nods his head and turns away. Bucky doesn’t look convinced. He leads Steve into the empty classroom and tells him to sit down in case he passes out, and how he shouldn’t have let Steve come to school or get drunk or anything.  
“No, Bucky, it’s fine seriously, that’s not even why-“ Steve cuts himself off.  
“What?” Bucky asks.  
“N-nothing, I just... there’s a lot on my mind.”  
Bucky won’t let it drop. “Steve, what is it?”  
Steve makes the mistake of looking up at Bucky, and he stops thinking clearly again because Bucky looks so sincere and his lips are slightly parted and they look so full and he keep playing with the lip ring subconsciously and Steve doesn’t notice that he’s been staring at Bucky’s mouth for too long until he realizes he’s been bitting down on his own lip and it hurts.  
“Sorry, I- I have to go!” Steve yells, pretending to notice the time, and runs out of the classroom and keeps running until he’s wheezing, which doesn’t take very long. As he rounds the corner, he sees Natasha, who stops him and asks if he’s okay. Steve notices Clint behind her. He flushes when he sees several marks on Clint’s neck but ignores it and waits until his breathing is calm enough to explain.  
He ends up spilling everything that happened, including how they definitely did not have sex, and how he just fucking ran out of a classroom because Bucky was too attractive.  
“Steve, we all know,” Natasha says.  
“W-what?” Steve stammers.  
“You and Bucky haven’t exactly been discreet about your interest in each other.”  
“Um.”  
“Seriously, Steve, everyone noticed.”  
“Bucky’s not interested in me anyway.” He looks away bitterly.  
“Are you kidding?” Natasha replies, unbelieving. “All he talks about is you and they way he looks at you... go for it, Rogers. He wants you, I’m sure of it.”  
Steve scowls. Doesn’t Natasha know anything? This is Bucky Barnes, they’re talking about, one of the most attractive guys in the entire school. He has girls falling all over him and then there’s Steve. Bucky could have any girl he wants, he definitely doesn’t want Steve.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: NON-CON
> 
> I didn't want to put it as an archive warning because it's only rape mention, and not even really rape but if it's triggering just to talk about it don't read this chapter sorry

When the day finally ends, Bucky runs up to Steve before he can leave. Steve has been avoiding Bucky; he doesn’t want to talk about what happened earlier. Bucky, however, does.   
“Hey, what was that about earlier?” he asks when he’s caught up.  
“Uh...” Steve has never been a good liar. “I uh- I needed to throw up.”  
Bucky raises an eyebrow. “An okay excuse.” Steve is afraid that he’s going to pry, but that subject stops there. Then Bucky asks Steve to come back to the apartment with him.  
“I uh, lot of homework,” Steve lies again. He loves spending time with Bucky but right now it’s too much and he’s too embarrassed.   
“Come on Steve, stop bullshitting me.” Bucky stops and stands in front of Steve, grabbing his hands and squeezing. Steve tries weakly to pull his hands away but they stay that way because they’re both lost looking at each other. Then Bucky must realize what he’s doing because he drops Steve’s hands and continues walking without saying anything. Steve ends up following him to the apartment.  
When they get there, Bucky grabs a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, motions for Steve to follow him out onto the little fire escape balcony. He starts to climb the ladders all the way up to the top of the building. It’s not very many stories, but Steve is wheezing when they get there. Bucky apologizes and guides Steve to a large air duct, which they sit on.   
“Why didn’t you ever bring me up here before?” Steve asks. He feels dizzy from the height and asthma, but it is really beautiful. There are puddles dotting the rubbery surface and pipes and vents running along the sides. Steve’s never been on top of a building like this before, so he’s surprised to see that there’s a little wall about three feet high around the edge.   
“I was worried about your breathing,” Bucky replies after a little while, “and it was sort of like my little alone place. But it needed more... you in it.” He chuckles. Steve grins, slightly. Bucky takes a cigarette out and places it between his lips, lights it, while Steve watches, unable to help himself.   
“What are you staring at?” Bucky asks.  
“N-nothing,” Steve mutters, looking away from Bucky and down at his own hands, which he’s clenching nervously. Bucky takes a drag while staring off at the city lights. Steve watches the smoke wisp out into the air, hears Bucky’s sigh-like breathes. There’s quite a bit of stubble on his chin; Steve wonders guiltily what it would feel like on his own skin.   
“Hey, can I try your cigarette?” Steve breaks the silence. Mainly he just wants to have this beautiful thing that Bucky’s mouth touched on his own lips, but Bucky snorts, incredulous.   
“With your asthma?” Bucky turns back to him just a little to quickly for Steve to hide that he was staring again. “Hell no, I already let you get really fucking drunk.”  
“Like I said, it’s fine,” Steve sighs, “I’d do it again, too. Maybe a little less though, I don’t remember anything at all.” He’s hoping Bucky will catch him up on what happened last night, but his friend just looks a little puzzled. And then he looks more shocked.  
“Oh God Steve I’m sorry,” Bucky puts his head in his hands, “I took advantage of you fuck I’m so sorry you don’t even remember no wonder.”  
“What? Bucky whatever happened it’s okay,” Steve says rapidly.   
“No Steve you don’t understand you were so, so drunk I shouldn’t have...”  
“Uh, Bucky, what happened?”   
“I just... I wanted you to be that drunk, so I could...” Bucky continues.  
“Bucky, what happened?”  
“Steve, I made you get drunk, I took advantage of you, and it’s you, Steve, and you’ve barely had your first kiss and then I-“  
“Bucky, what happened?” Steve interrupts.  
“You were lying on the bed almost passed out and I- I don’t know what made me decide to do it it’s just you were just there and I was so turned on by anything you did and I ended up taking off your clothes and you woke up more and I think you said it was okay to- why did I do that, Steve, I raped you, how did I not realize...” Bucky stops talking there and Steve is just staring.  
“Okay, Buck, you mean to say you did all that and I was barely awake to remember it?”  
Bucky stares incredulously at Steve. That was the last thing he was expecting as a reply.  
“You mean, all this time, when you were running away from me, that wasn’t why?”  
“No, not at all...” Steve starts to explain but doesn’t really feel like finishing with “I was afraid I was going to kiss you,” because that didn’t exactly seem appropriate right now.   
“I have to go,” Steve says hurriedly, unsure of what else to do, and then climbs all the way back down to the ground. His apartment isn’t far from Bucky’s but again his chest is very tight when he gets there. He takes a puff from his inhaler and sits against the wall, pulling out his phone to call Natasha.   
“What’s up?” she picks up on the second ring.  
“Well...” Steve pauses, before taking a deep breathe to explain, “basically last night we did actually... have sex, but I was too drunk to fully consent or remember and now Bucky thinks he raped me and oh God Natasha what the hell is happening.” There’s a pause before she replies.  
“Okay, calm down a little,” she soothes him, “technically, he did rape you, so that’s not exactly okay, but is that the problem here?”  
“I don’t know, Nat, I just...” Steve fumbles his words, “I- I want it to happen again- I mean, with me fully able to consent, you know. But Bucky feels really bad and I’m just... confused. Because I don’t know what to feel right now.”  
“I’ll talk to him, if you like,” Natasha offers.   
“Ye-yeah, thanks.”  
“And if you decide you really want him, go for it. He obviously wants you.”  
“Yeah, but we were both really drunk, and I just happened to be there and-“  
“Shh,” Natasha cuts him off. “It’s going to work out, Steve.”  
“Okay, yeah, thanks Nat,” he says, ending the conversation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fixed the indentations finally   
> also i have no idea how I did on this part I am a lesbian??? I don't know exactly what feels good on a dick but it was supposed to be pretty awkward anyway so i most likely succeeded

Natasha calls Bucky a few minutes after that.  It takes a few tries for him to pick up, but when he does, he sounds very unhappy.

“Hey, so Steve told me what happened,” She starts.

“Oh,” Bucky says simply

“And he’s okay, Bucky.”

“It’s not okay that I did that.”

“So maybe not, but neither of you were thinking.  The point is, he still wants you.  A lot.”

Bucky snorts on the other end of the line.  “As if.”

“Seriously.  He came running to me earlier today basically to tell me you were too attractive and he couldn’t handle it.  This guy is head over heels for you, Buck.”

“I don’t know.  I don’t deserve him.”

“You stupid fuck, he’d die just to have you kiss his scrawny ass and you don’t think you deserve him?”

“Sorry,” Bucky says quietly.

“It was a joke.  But yeah, I think I’ve made my point.”  She hangs up, wondering if she should have said something about only going for Steve if he made it very clear he wanted it, but she figures Bucky already knows.  Besides, Steve isn’t good at making things clear.

 

It’s night, and Bucky is sitting on the roof again, smoking, watching the city lights splayed across far below him.  He looks up to the sky, foolishly hoping to see constellations, but this is a city, he remembers, and the sky is a dingy orange at night.  This is what he is used to, and he thinks maybe it is just as nice as any stupid suburban house with the backyard and stars you can see.  He remembers once when he and Steve went camping and Steve could point out every constellation and draw them, too.  That night they went camping, Steve had ended up crawling into Bucky’s sleeping bag because he was too cold.  Bucky thinks maybe he should call Steve; Natasha is probably right, and Steve forgives way too easily.  

He takes out his phone and stares at Steve’s number without doing anything.  Eventually he just drops the phone, but as it hits the rubber surface of the roof, Bucky hears it buzzing and quickly snatches it up.  And oh God it’s Steve, and he’s just asking where Bucky is and apologizing (why is _Steve_ apologizing for this), and that’s all but Bucky suddenly feels so much more nervous. He takes out another cigarette and tells Steve he’s on the roof, but that he doesn’t need to climb all the way up here again.  

Almost twenty minutes have passed when Steve reaches the top of the building and immediately uses his inhaler.  They both stand there awkwardly for a moment, and then Steve walks over and sits right next to Bucky, so close their knees are touching.  Bucky shivers a little and bites his lip. He won’t meet Steve in the eye, but when he glances over he notices that Steve’s stare is fixed on the cigarette hanging from his lips.  He self-consciously takes a drag and exhales, staring off into the distance so he doesn’t have to look at Steve.

That’s when Steve kisses him.  Bucky drops the cigarette in shock, and it drops stories to the ground, where it fizzles out, but Bucky doesn’t see any of it because he’s kissing Steve and God just _Steve_ , and it’s probably one of the worst kisses Bucky’s had but it doesn’t matter.  And then Steve pulls away, and it’s over.

 

“You just need to practice,” Sam Wilson is saying.  They’re in his dorm room, playing video games, and Steve’s told him pretty much everything.

“Yeah?” Steve raises an eyebrow, “Oh yes, I’ll just practice on one of the many girls lining up to kiss me.”

“Come on, Steve, here I’ll just show you how.”

So that’s how Steve ends up making out with Sam Wilson.  It’s very nice, he thinks, Sam is someone he’s always found attractive.  Sam tells him later that he was just going to use a pillow or something but somehow it turned into actually kissing Steve.  

They kiss multiple times, and Sam grabs Steve’s shoulders and slides his hands down Steve’s body and pulls him in tight and kisses up his neck, and fuck, Steve might be just a little turned on.  Or a lot.

“Hey, bro,” Sam pulls away to say, “Save it for Bucky.” Except his goes back in to kiss Steve again and this isn’t any better, is Sam _trying_ to turn him on? Because it’s worked and Sam’s hands are under his shirt, feeling everywhere and he Steve finds himself doing the same thing and then Sam is running a hand down his inner thigh and _fuck_.  But Steve notices Sam is hard too and neither of them are trying to hide it and Steve is mainly wondering how he got into this situation and how it can end well for both of them.

“Do you wanna learn how to do a blow job?” Sam asks.  Steve just nods.  

“Here, lemme demonstrate, then,” and then Sam is taking off Steve’s pants and he runs a finger tip lightly over the head of Steve’s cock and Steve shudders, and then Sam is sucking and nipping a little and Steve is moaning and he comes.  Sam steps back, and then tells Steve it’s his turn to try.  Steve nods nervously while Sam undresses himself and Steve crouches down.  

It’s pretty awkward at first, but Sam tells him what to do and Steve seems to get it right because Sam is coming too.  He gets it in his mouth and it tastes disgusting and bitter.  Steve goes to get a drink of water while Sam cleans up.  After that, they go back to playing video games for a little while and don’t really talk about it again, because it was just for Steve to practice for Bucky, right? So maybe Sam wanted him a little too, but Steve didn’t mind too much, and Sam seemed to be completely okay with Bucky and Steve going for each other.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is really short but I haven’t posted anything in a while so I thought I’d better do that

Steve lies in bed awake almost the entire night. He wants to talk to ask Sam what the fuck actually happened and he wants to vent to Nat some more and he wants to call Bucky and see Bucky and do whatever Bucky wants to do. But he doesn’t do any of these things. Instead, he takes his sketchpad out, around an hour before he set his alarm clock, and starts drawing, and it turns into Bucky, why is it always Bucky? He and Sam just sucked each other off and he’s thinking about Bucky, still. But Steve’s always liked Bucky, more than anyone, and that’s how he ends up asking Bucky to get up early and meet him near campus because Steve is already awake and he’s just really nervous and wants to see his best friend.  
Bucky arrives a few minutes after Steve, grumbling about getting up early. They’re sitting on a roof again; New York has so many roofs and Bucky loves to climb up them and watch everything and smoke. He and Steve are just sitting there though, not talking and not really looking at each other. Steve turns to Bucky, opens his mouth to say something, and Bucky turns to him and drops his cigarette and whispers “God dammit Steve” and suddenly Steve is lying under Bucky on the roof and Bucky is kissing him, hard, and Steve can feel the cigarette smoke and a hint of stoli from the night before when Bucky must’ve been drunk, again, probably thinking about Steve. And fuck Bucky is holding Steve’s wrists to pin him down and biting’s Steve’s neck and tugging on his lip and Steve is really starting to regret this because he did not want to go to school half-hard and then fuck Bucky is thrusting into him and Steve’s hips come up and-

"What the fuck?" There are loud footsteps clanking up a ladder and a guy with a hardhat is coming towards them.  "Hey you faggots, get off the roof!" Before Steve can think, Bucky has pulled him up and they're racing down another fire escape and Steve wants to apologize to the guys for interrupting their work but he also doesn't want to get in legal trouble so he follows Bucky.

The run until they're in some alleyway and Steve is wheezing heavily and has to use his inhaler. They both look at each other a minute and start laughing until Steve wheezes again, and then Bucky shoves him into the dirty brick wall, Steve's squeak of surprise is cut off by Bucky's mouth.  Steve squirms a little at first, but then Bucky grabs his small wrists and holds Steve’s small frame against the wall.  They kiss as though they haven’t kissed anyone for years, hungrily, and Steve is pretty glad that he had that awkward experience with Sam because he couldn’t remember when he had last kissed someone before that.  It stops too soon when Steve starts having breathing trouble again.

“Buck, I can’t breathe,” he informs his friend, pulling away as much as he can, which is not very far.  His lips are instead pressed against Bucky’s cheek, making it a little hard to talk, but Bucky gets what he’s saying and releases Steve.  

They stand there a little awkwardly, grinning, and then Bucky says, “You’ve gotten a little better at kissing."

“Th-thanks,” Steve stutters, still breathing a little hard, “y-you have too, I mean you were already pretty good at kissing like really good um-"

“God, you’re adorable, Steve,” Bucky interrupts, and then kisses him lightly again.  Steve blushes a little. 

“W-we should probably go to school or something or now,” he blurts out.  Bucky laughs and agrees, so they walk towards the school.  Steve really wants to hold Bucky’s hand but he doesn’t.  

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little bit of a short back story here idk i'll get on to the main plot again next chapter

The thing about Bucky was, he didn’t do romance. He did one night stands, friends with benefits, he flirted with all the girls, but he didn’t really have relationships. He was never in love, but with Steve, it was different, and it felt warm but scared the shit out of him because he had no idea how to deal with it.  Bucky thought it had always been this way, from when they were very small, and the boys would chase the girls around on the playground, trying to get a kiss, and Bucky would wish Steve could be a girl.  Of course, Steve would never play these games; he couldn’t really run and besides, even at that young age he hated it when girls were harassed.  And then there were the times that Steve would be sick and so, so cold, and Bucky would slip into the bed beside him and hold him for warmth.  There were the trips to Coney Island, when Bucky would force Steve to go on all the rides with him, and they would see teenage couples stealing kisses on the boats and ferris wheels, and holding hands as they walked through the streets licking ice cream cones.  

In middle school, kids started to get real crushes, and Steve started to get beat up because everyone thought he was gay.  It didn’t help that he would always be defending gay people, saying they were just like anyone else and couldn’t decide who they loved, which pretty much confirmed for the bullies that Steve liked guys.  Of course, Bucky would always come to his rescue, which only started rumors that he and Steve were secretly in love.  Bucky always scoffed at these rumors, trying to hide how much he really liked Steve.  Steve wouldn’t deny any of it, saying “why does it matter?” Bucky discouraged this for both their sakes, but it always made him nervous.

Early in high school when Bucky would being getting with girls all the time (and trying to get Steve with girls) everyone forgot about the rumors.  And Bucky was experimenting with guys too, which he didn't exactly keep a secret mainly out of laziness. For some reason though, girls seemed to find the idea of a bisexual Bucky pretty attractive, which got him more girls. He hoped he'd forget about Steve sometime if he had enough sex with other people. This did not work, and only made him more frustrated when he thought of Steve while touching himself.  Why did he even like the guy? Steve was this tiny hipster nerd, not exactly the type Bucky usually went for.  Still cute.

And then later in high school.  Steve got his first girlfriend, a pretty brunette named Peggy that was a little too jealous of Bucky.  He felt so bad that Peggie cut it off because of her jealousy when Steve obviously really liked her. After that, Steve tried to make himself look more appealing to girls, and he managed to go on a few other dates but never really had another real relationship. Bucky sure found him appealing though. For a while, Steve dyed a little strip of bangs, which Bucky particularity liked. Also the gauged ears. Apparently, someone else unexpected started noticing Steve as well. Bucky was incredibly surprised to walk into a supply closet and find Tony Stark with his hands under Steve's shirt, kissing forcefully. Tony later made Bucky promise to keep it to himself, since Tony had his eye on Pepper Potts. 

Steve and Bucky went onto a college that specialized in the arts, which, stereotypically, had a large gay community. And now Bucky finally got Steve but didn't know what to do because how do you deal with someone like Steve when you've never been in a relationship that was much more than physical?


	7. Chapter 7

Classes have finished and Steve is sitting in a coffee shop and reading a book about World War Two when Sam calls. Steve lets it go for a couple buzzes before he decides to answer.

"Hey, Steve? I think we need to talk," Sam says before Steve can greet him.

"Sure, do you want to come by the one coffee shop I like? I'm already here," Steve replies calmly although inside he's panicking.

Sam agrees and is there in minutes and seated by the same table.

"So," he starts, "I've been thinking..."

"We both have," Steve mutters.

"And I just feel weird about everything that happened and, Steve, I've got to be honest with you, I've admired you for a while and now that I think about it, it just doesn't seem right that anything happened between us, since you're so into Bucky."

"What? No it's okay, Sam," Steve really hopes Sam didn't think he had taken advantage of him.

"Yeah, but man, I was just letting you have me in the place of Bucky and I was using you since I could."

"No Sam, it was very... enjoyable," Steve stammers, "I like you too, just... Bucky."

"I know," Sam sighs, pauses, and then, "Look, Steve, the thing is, I don't really do the friends with benefits type stuff, and I like girls you know, and the whole thing was just pretty damn weird for me and I want you to have Bucky. That's all I'm saying."

"Yeah," Steve is slightly confused but agrees, "...It's okay, if you want to, you know, I don't know, kiss again sometime."

"Nah, I want you to have Bucky," Sam pats Steve's back, "first and foremost, we're friends, and I'm going to make sure my friend is happy. Plus, I've been watching you two make eyes at each other for so long that I'm sick of you not actually being together yet."

"Actually," Steve starts, "We did end up kissing again I guess."

"Good job," Sam claps him on the back again.

"He said I'd gotten better at kissing.

"I guess I should take that as a compliment then," Sam laughs. 

They leave it at that, and end the conversation as though nothing has happened.  Steve is pretty sure he's going to relay this all to Natasha later.  Lately Natasha has basically been his therapist, he thinks with a smile.

"Hey, what about Natasha?" he blurts out.

"You mean to date?" Sam inquires but continues before Steve can answer, "She's probably one of the hottest girls I know, but everyone know she's with Clint."

"Oh," Steve blushes, remembering the marks she saw on Natasha's neck, "Right.  I didn't know if it was more than... friends with benefits, though."

Sam chuckles. "Nope. Have you seen the way they look at each other? Natasha would kill Clint if he kissed another girl, and he would never want to anyway."

"Ah, I see," Steve laughs, "so I guess you can't have her."

"Nah, she's a little scary anyway."  Steve agrees with Sam on this before he continues, "Don't worry, Stevie, I'm pretty popular with the ladies-" he flashes a smile "-I can find a good babe for myself."

Around an hour later, they decide it's about time to go, so Sam walks Steve back to his apartment and then leaves. 


	8. Chapter 8

Steve falls asleep that night wondering if he should've said more to Sam.  He takes out his phone to text something but then decides the topic is better left closed.  Still, it takes him a while to fall asleep.

 ~

The next day is saturday. Bucky wakes Steve up at 7:53 am by barging in (he has a key to the dorm room) and throwing a pillow onto his face.

"Hnng," Steve says, rolling over with his eyes still closed.

"Steve guess what I got!" Bucky yelled, waving something above his head.

"Well you're going to get a black eye soon if you don't shut up," Steve mumbles, stuffing his head under the covers, "I was up all night," he explains.

"Yeah, well I got concert tickets!" Bucky announces, ignoring him.

Steve sits up at this, rubbing sleep from his eyes. His hair is sticking up all over the place. "What band?" he ask, voice heavy with sleep.

"Volbeat," Bucky replies simply.

"I don't even really know them well enough to go to a concert," Steve complains.

"Yeah but they're a good band. I want you to come." 

"I'd love to but there's also the problem of me having like 2 dollars, tops," he sighs.

"It's okay, I'm paying."

"What? Bucky concert tickets are expensive-"

"I am paying."

"Don't waste your money on me like th-"

"Steve. I am taking you out. On a date. To this concert. I am paying. I owe it to you…"

Steve is quiet for a moment, his face feeling a little warm, and then he says simply, "Oh."

"Yeah, Natasha managed to get them for me last minute," Bucky explains, "I paid her back, of course," he adds quickly.  Steve rolls his eyes.

"Why did you have to wake me up this early though?" he asks.

"Well, see, when I said last minute, I mean like, the concert's today."

"What?" Steve raises an eyebrow, "how the hell did Nat get tickets same day?"

"She told me the same thing she says every time," Bucky responds, laughing and then quotes her: "'I have my sources."' He throws in a wink.

"I swear, she's like a fucking mercenary or something, she has so many "sources."' 

"Yeah, well enough talk about Nat, we've gotta go," Bucky pulls Steve up.  Steve, who is only wear boxers, tries to grab the sheet to cover himself but to no avail. 

"I'm not wearing any clothes," he explains. Bucky is cracking up. As Steve walks over to the closet, Bucky slaps his ass, which makes Steve squeak embaresingly in surprise.  This makes Bucky laugh so much harder.

"Wear something punk," he tells Steve.  

"I don't know what of mine is punk," Steve complains.

"Here, I'll just pick something out for you." Bucky begins rumaging through Steve's closet, pulling out a pair of ripped black skinny jeans, a red and black plaid shirt, and a random grey undershirt.  Steve puts these on.

"Okay, Stevie, now we drive four hours to the nations capitol," Bucky informs him excitedly. 

"At least I can sleep in the car," Steve mumbles to himself.

"What? Road trips are great, come on, it'll be fun."

~

 Half an hour later, they're in Bucky's car, which is packed full with junk food and pillows. It's very nice, actually, Steve thinks. Bucky is right; road trips are great. They're listening to songs loudly with the windows rolled down and fierce wind billowing in beautifully. Steve has to push his hair out of his face every few seconds. It's a little cold and he wishes he had a warmer shirt but the wind and everything is so nice he doesn't want to roll up the windows. Steve probably has a stupid goofy grin on his face right now, but what the hell, he's pretty happy and besides, Bucky is too busy driving and singing along and sipping coke to notice. 

And Bucky looks really good. Steve thinks he would pull of smokey eyeliner really well, but that would probably be a bit too goth.

Bucky catches Steve staring and grins.

"Good thing I'm driving, huh?" he jokes.

"Uh," Steve says, "you just… look nice."

Bucky laughs. "I know." He reaches out and squeezes Steve's hand for a second. Steve reaches over to take a sip of soda so he can avoid replying. They're stopped at a red light, and Bucky reaches out and brushes his hand across Steve's cheek, smiling so sweetly Steve is taken aback for a second. Bucky's hand is warm and the end of a snake tattoo on the wrist. 

"Hey, Bucky?" Steve suddenly thinks of something.

"Yeah?"

"I was just thinking, you're not really a… relationship kind of person?"

"Yeah."

"And I you know, I am."

"Yeah I know." Bucky pauses, "I was thinking about that too I guess."

"So um…" Steve isn't sure what to say after that, but bucky speaks again.

"It's different with you, Steve," Bucky says sincerely, "It always has been."

"…Always has been?" 

"...Yeah."

Steve laughs. "You weren't seriously interested in me before, were you?"

Bucky shrugs. "What makes you think that?"

"I mean, look at you, and then me... I'm not exactly appealing." 

"Shut up." Bucky says so seriously that Steve just stares.

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kay I don't even know how well know volbeat is but it's probably the kind of music punk bucky would listen too and besides one of their albums is called beyond hell/above heaven. i did orginally choose the title because I was thinking about rooftops and also the pierce the veil song but I didn't think peirce the veil really fit bucky so I chose volbeat instead.

**Author's Note:**

> kay this is my first thing on here it'd be nice if you could leave constructive criticism and comments


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